I have a secret.

I have a secret.

A cold, dark secret that my subconscious guards like the key to a forbidden safe

It’s hidden in the back of my closet

In the shadows of my past

In the corners of my heart where I don’t dare to look

It’s a neglected land

A place where the sun never shines

Where the wind screams and howls

Where the spirits of the night beg to be let out, to be set free

I spend my days fighting these spirits

Keeping them locked away

Safely forgotten

…

Oh, look!

The moon is rising

Which means…

BANG

What was that?

BANG BANG BANG

It can’t be–

BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG

Oh no

No, no, no!

I thought they’d forgotten about today

The anniversary of the incident

How could I have been so foolish?

They’re coming for me now

CLICK CLACK CLICK CLACK

There’s nowhere to run

CLICK CLACK CLICK CLACK

Nowhere to hide

CLICK CLACK CLICK CLACK

But wait

Let’s bring it back to the beginning

I have a secret.

There’s a place that I escape to on nights like this

Accessible only when the full moon shines brighter than diamonds

CLICKCLACK CLICKCLACK

They’re getting closer…

CLICKCLACKCLICKCLACK

Hurry!

CLICKCLACKCLICKCLACKCLICKCLACKCLICKCLACK—

SHOOM

That was close

…

Oh…

This place has changed a lot since I’ve last been here

Although it has been eight years

But still, I didn’t expect everything to be so…

Rusty

Hopeless

Abandoned

Depressing

What happened?

Oh, right

The incident

Flashes of hazel hair and pink scarves still haunt me in my dreams

Broken glasses and khaki skirts filling my nightmares

Her blue eyes

Her dimpled smile

Her necklaces and her drawings and her Mary Janes

The memories all come back to me in a kaleidoscope of color

But she never does

It’s been eight years

Since we were happy

No.

Since I was happy

She’s doing fine

She’s moved on

It’s not her fault

None of it is

And that makes it so much worse

Have you ever tried finding someone to blame

Only to realize the answer’s been in the mirror the entire time?

It hurts

I’m not ashamed to admit that it hurts

The pain is suffocating

Consuming me with a blinding potion of self-hatred and guilt

No physical pain can even begin to encompass the mental agony

…

Have you ever considered falling?

We’ve all fallen in our dreams

Waking just a second away from death

But am I the only one who feels…disappointed that it wasn’t real?

Sometimes I scare myself with such thoughts

I hope I’m not scaring you.

Am I scaring you?

I don’t know

This is the most I’ve ever told anyone before

I communicate better in lyrics

They can be interpreted in hundreds of ways

Thus lowering the risk of someone deciphering the truth

And realizing who the villain was all along

…

Me.

It’s always been me.

It will always be me.

Me, me, me.

I’m the problem.

That is why I hate remembering

But the creature that finds me on the anniversary of the incident is always there to remind me

The reason all of this started

The reason I’m crying silent tears

The reason she’s gone

…

I have a secret.

I fell in love with her eight years ago

And I killed her so she wouldn’t find out.